Yah Allah, is this my turn… to go?
Every inch of my body felt the dead silence, the type of silence that succeeds a devastating turbulence. It was midnight, somewhere in the eastern part of Nigeria. I was on my way back from a journey, sleeping peacefully in the trailer. There was excessive shaking and screaming, I felt my body being tossed up and down, left, right and center, I knew an accident was happening that very moment, but I just couldn’t process nothing!
After a few minutes of turmoil, it registered in my brain. “Raheemat, the trailer you boarded tumbled, there was an accident!” There I was, many kilometers from home, laid flat on the ground like fresh pancake, with several kilograms of goods on my back. It was pitch dark, that’s the blackest darkness I have ever seen in my life, I couldn’t see nothing, I was scared, who wouldn’t be?! I could hear the cries of several people in the trailer, I screamed at the top of my lungs …with the little energy left in me, and then I thought, “Raheemat, if you will die today, why not die peacefully?” I stopped screaming, took a deep breath and started reciting my kalimat ash-shahādah…
My whole life flashed right in front of me, even though I couldn’t see. I thought of my parents, how would they grieve me when they didn’t even know my whereabouts, I imagined their pain, I thought of my siblings and my friends, and then I thought of my life. I had no regrets actually, but I was scared to death…pun absolutely intended…
And then a woman and two men who were thrown right behind the doors of the trailer started rescuing people (they also had been badly injured, but they were not stuck). The rescue mission began, I was not the first to be rescued, I had to wait for my turn.
It was finally my turn, I got out, my whole body ached, I looked around me and saw people, broken bones, blood, faces chopped off, people who had lost consciousness, people who lost the ability to speak, and then I looked around, “where is Aunty Mary?”. It wasn’t her turn yet, the goods were heavy, they had to pull some out of the trailer, before they could reach other people. I panicked as I waited, and finally she was rescued…Aunty Mary was placed right in front of me, lifeless, with a sign of a violent collision on her forehead, I shook her and screamed, “Aunty Mary, wake up, Aunty Mary, Aunty Mary”, and then it hit me, she was gone, she was dead.
After an hour, everyone was out…..alive, but Aunt Mary was gone, just like that…I remember how we met on the bus on the way to the Market, we brushed together in the morning, we both went separately to different parts of the market, and then we met again when it was time to go home. Before we started our journey back home, she brought bread and Fanta, I got bread too…
When I realized she was dead, I was the only one who knew her to some extent, people told me to check her bag for her phone. I did, her phone was locked, we couldn’t unlock it, and there was the food she kept in her bag, her money and the rest of her stuff. I was overwhelmed…I heard her talk to her mum on our way to the trailer station, she said she would soon be home. Her mum kept asking if she was safe and okay, she told her to be careful and get home safely.
I thought of her mum, I imagined her grief. I was the only one who came out whole with minor body pains compared to others. Malak al-mawt (the Angel of Death) visited that trailer, it wasn’t my turn, it wasn’t the turn of most of us, but it was Aunty Mary’s turn. I knew her just for a little over 24 hours, but I felt I lost a family…
Whenever I think about that incident, I am filled with gratitude, it could have been my turn that night, it would be some day…How do I want to meet my Rabb and what impact will I leave in this dunya? Alhamdullilah, I am alive…today.
