If he has the deen, he W̶i̶l̶l̶ might be good to you
How often have you heard “If he has the deen, he will be good to you”…?Sounds true, right…? See, striving for one’s deen is such a personal journey, personal enough that Allah would not ask you about someone else’s deeds, but “you, yours and yourself” alone. So, why does “if he has the deen, he will be good to you” premise not hold for a number of muslim men…?
“When someone with whose religion ***and*** character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth.” (Tirmidhi). This hadith didn’t state deen *or* character, it states ***and*** character, which means, one does not translate to the other, deen does not automate character and character does not automate deen….
Abusive muslim men are most times very learned in the deen. By “learned”, I mean they know and can quote “verbatim” the verses of the Qur’an and hadith that explicitly says “do this, go to hell” or “do this, Allah will not be pleased with you”, but any sin that is not explicitly written as “a straight ticket to jahannam” is seen as less important and can be rectified “easily” with istighfar.
For instance, *rape*, there have been cases where brothers force their wives to have sex with them with no regard for her health or well-being (marital rape). Some sisters have been raped or coerced to having sex a few days to their Nikkah because after all, the date has been set. *Domestic violence*, some brothers physically abuse their wives and observe tahajjud afterwards, neither because of remorse nor to seek the forgiveness of Allah, but in their own personal striving for *their own* hereafter.
There’s also the argument that “the *best* men are found at the front row of salah.” Not necessarily, these brothers are striving for *their own* deen, *their own* jannah. This doesn’t translate to them having good akhlaq (character) and does not mean they are or will be the best in their treatment of their wives and children.
We also hear stories of “Imams and Scholars” who physically, sexually, emotionally, spiritually and/or financially abuse their wives and children... Yet, they implore their listeners to strive for jannah, observe salah and nawafil, fast etc. It’s not because they don’t know what they are doing is wrong, but they feel it is not enough to get them a “straight ticket to jahannam”, or worse still “the only sin that will be unforgiven is shirk”, hence they will be “easily” forgiven.
Wonder not why several stories of abuse includes “but he has the deen”… deen ≠character…
